Personal

to my authentic peepz

Posted by on 5 Oct 15 in Personal | 1 comment

The most beautiful people in the world are authentic. People can call them names – like hipster or hippie or geek – but does that all really define them? What do those words even mean? People are so much more complicated than how they are defined. They are more than the categories they are boxed into. They are complex, with so many different interests, so many different perspectives, so many feelings. We have a way of trying to hard to not be vulnerable. We strive not to show weakness, scared that we are going to be judged for what we do. But what for? What are all these fears...

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A Hedonist’s Guide to Zen or something else equally pretentious

Posted by on 1 Oct 15 in Personal | 0 comments

Do we all have our moments of brightness? Our single point at which we have reached our peak? But if life is endless set of moments, until The End of course, how can we ever know if we have reached our peak? Patterns, Normal curves, perhaps. But moments of greatness can be invisible to even the most advanced algorithms… But these are all Euclidean graphs. Time is multi-dimensional. Time exists because we experience each moment. And peaks turned upside down are troughs. And how we ever know which way is “up” when that all depends on where you’re standing? Are my...

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I am lost. Again.

Posted by on 1 Sep 15 in Personal | 0 comments

I am lost. Again. I have dreams and hopes, but as I grow older, these collapse under a tidal wave of “reality”. Things have become unstuck. Nothing is quite so right or wrong anymore. Everything is about nuances, of buts…, and what ifs. There no Hegellian thesis or antithesis – there are no opposites of action. There is only grey: the inbetweens, the patch-up jobs of mistakes that cannot be undone. This is no synthesis. It’s just survival. We cannot raze society and build another on its ashes. There are too many lives at stake, too many issues to be dealt with...

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A stream of consciousness on pain

Posted by on 24 Aug 15 in Personal | 1 comment

A stream of consciousness on pain

Trigger warning: mental health, suicide intention I can’t breathe. It’s not an “emo” statement, it’s a statement of fact. I can’t breathe because I feel so overwhelmed with emotion that I can’t even tell you what emotions they are. I feel like there is a fire inside of me that’s erupting, as though I should completely tear my flesh apart to let it free. I feel like I want to scream at everyone and everything. I feel like a fool who’s asking for too much attention from people. I feel like I am lost. I feel like there is no way to make this...

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when hope isn’t necessary anymore

Posted by on 21 Aug 14 in Personal | 2 comments

when hope isn’t necessary anymore

I haveĀ  tendency to write personal posts when I am despairing, or on the brink of falling apart. But this post is different. It is about the beauty of humanity, about the amazing and lovely people you can meet in the world, and is a thank you message. The last 10 or so months I’ve been in York have been a rollercoaster, and for good reason. I’ve been broken, stumbling through the darkest of tunnels, often with no end in sight. But in the midst of it have also been some beautiful times. Food not Bombs has given me hope and inspiration, and through it I have met the most remarkable...

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And then what?

Posted by on 8 Aug 14 in Personal | 0 comments

And then what?

The world is on repeat. A tape being played, rewound and played all over again. It’s become worn with time, the image grainy and obscured. The same game, even the same players. Conversations which go nowhere, inane laughter at inane jokes. You and I are seted on the table, drinking the same pint over and over again, each time getting thirstier, but with nothing to quirst the drought that plagues our souls. I’m seeking water, but finding only beer. It’s an effort to carry on. To see hope for change is harder each time. My heart keeps breaking over the tiniest of things, but...

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